Beauty in Surrender

Needless to say its been a long time since I’ve blogged and though I’m pretty sure no one reads this blog… I shall use it for lets say, personal therapy.

Okay, so where to begin? So much has happened and I kinda want to smack myself for not writing down the events as they happen, but I blame writers block. Yes, I have terrible writers block.

Its been exactly four months since I officially started my journey towards Australia, every time I expected that as I moved along the easier it would become. Boy was I wrong.

Every step that I take forward it only becomes more gruesome more faith testing. At times I tend to think, “are these set backs meant to test me, or are they meant to get my attention and halt?” It has honestly been a tremendous spiritual warfare, trying to remain strong as more things blow up in my face, or as God brings down unexpected rain and does the supernatural.

I now know by firsthand experience how hard it is to be a visionary. Getting asked so many repetitive questions and getting the “YOUR CRAZY  NEVER GONNA HAPPEN” look. Many people have crossed my path many that I esteem and sometimes they shake me up, with things like, “Don’t you want to get a college education?” “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” “Can you even make money doing that?”

I know that they mean well, but sometimes its hard not being able to give them a definite answer. I know that I won’t make much money as a youth pastor, or as a missionary, but this is where my thinking is set apart from them. I know that the things God has called me to do aren’t anything as extravagant as being a doctor a lawyer,or as financially stable BUT I have come to find that the people who take risks end up seeing the impossible, experiencing the impossible, and living the extraordinary. I want every step that I take to be filled with faith, with the supernatural. I want to push myself beyond what I thought was possible! I want to surrender absolutely everything so that God can use me, until nothing of me remains. If that means taking a gigantic leap of faith and sacrificing it all with no questions asked, than thats what I’m going to do. Abraham never stopped to ask “Why my son God?” The disciples, “At once left their nets and followed Him.” No questions asked. At that very moment they embarked on a life changing journey away from their families, friends, wives, sons, daughters, businesses; and experienced the fullness, and the impossible. They would forever change the world and capture hearts for the kingdom of Christ.

I don’t live for white picket fences. If God wants me to live in complete surrender than that is what I will do. My treasures are stored up in heaven and not on earth. I understand that God wants us to have a beautiful life here on earth, and even have the house or the car that we dreamed of, but all that pales in comparison to what God has planted in my heart. I know that His will is perfect and He will bless me for my surrender, for every sacrifice.

I know that if’s not God’s will for me to step foot on Australian soil I won’t. If He does shut the door, I will be content in the fact that I gave Him everything, every step of the journey. I have surrendered to him spiritually, financially, physically and mentally. I’ve seen the positive and negative toll that this has had on my family. But there is nothing sweeter than knowing that I trusted Him, and gave him everything every step of the way… I held nothing back. Even if all this was just a way for Him to mold me, refine me.  I regret nothing… and would go through every pain staking moment all over again.

Yet, and even scarier thought than Him closing the door is Him opening the door. Because I know that this will become even more intensifying when I step into it. The experience will be so spiritually rewarding, but challenging and I’m so ready for that. I’m so ready for Him to be the first person I run to when everything is falling apart, the first one to praise when I see the impossible or even overcome a day! I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me. Whether well fed or hungry. I can’t wait to fall on my knees day after day because I desire and yearn for his guidance. I can’t wait for him to just BE my God, and have me all to himself.

I serve an extraordinary God, and it is Him that I want.

God willing, Australia here I come.

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