“These polar charges, these happy and sad things in life, are like colors God uses to draw the world.” Donald Miller-A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
Sometimes being here is like watching the world unfold behind a panned glass window. You feel as though there is something greater happening out there and you are missing out on all of it. Kind of like missing out on the winning catch of the Super Bowl because you went to the toilet. Well this is how I feel; as though there is a great surf out there and I am missing out on it.
I am watching as people get called out of this place. God saying “Alright, your ready to go.” And I sit and watch hoping he will say I’m next. But he doesn’t he just shakes his head and says, “Nope, you are still a little raw, get back in the oven…” Really? The “oven experience” as I like to call it is never easy. There is a lot of waiting involved, and God occasionally opens the oven and pokes around (in the gentlest way) to see how cooked you are, and sometimes even raises the heat.
The oven experience hands us hard chapters, and I honestly do not know what God means with the hard things in our life; but I do believe that they serve a purpose, and I fully believe that he will always find a way to turn it all around like he did with Joseph’s story…. and this is where I find myself.
I find myself strongly disliking these chapters in my life. Constantly fighting against the current, trying to push past the strong winds only to discover that my oars are broken and damaged; or worse I just sit out in the middle of the ocean motionless in the blazing heat with no current waiting for something to happen; watching all the paddlers in the horizon.
I want desperately to skip these chapters…
But I suppose things do happen in the waiting… I was having coffee with my friend the other day in a Spanish café, and as I sat with her we realized the visions and desires God has placed in our hearts go beyond this place, go beyond the routine, which makes it hard for us to sit and “cook” and wait until the Master Chef pulls us out of the oven. Witnessing as this “bubble” consists of “Jolly Olly Land” where everyone rides ponies to work or school, while people are out there dying… which in essence is the reality and the current story of the world.
Just recently as I was asking myself existential questions and pondering said things, I purchased the current book by Donald Miller, and it rocked me. It rocked me because it made me ask myself hard questions. Questions that questioned the fruit of my life, and the story I was creating… “Is my life meaningful or just something I am coasting through on autopilot? Do I trust that God will direct me in all that he is trusting me with?”“How can this blank canvas mean so much more?” “When will I get past these hard things?” “When will this be over??”
And this stuck out to me,
…There is a force in the world that doesn’t want us to live good stories. It doesn’t want us to face our issues, to face our fear and bring something beautiful into the world… I believe God wants us to create beautiful stories, and whatever it is that isn’t God wants us to create meaningless stories, teaching the people around us that life just isn’t worth living.”
Part 2: Coming soon friends …