While the rest of the world rejoices at the arrival of Spring, we are here learning to guard our hearts in the midst of Winter. The days are long and sometimes filled with more rain than we or our shoes can stand; and if you’ve ever been in Sydney during the winter season you understand the significance of that statement.
To be quite honest June has been a month filled with tearing down. It has been the month where everything feels like it is dying or withering in my hands, as though all of it is meaningless toil. It has been a month of waiting and questioning. The month where promises lay dead in my lap, asking God the “Why?” questions and stepping back to see what He has to say or do; and most heart wrenching of all a month of staring reality right in the face.
It as though June is reflecting a lot of things I do not want to deal with, as though it is reflecting my shortcomings, and the many things I have left undone, and the illness that threatens back home…but above all it has been a month of lies.
June is weighing me down in a million ways. I am tired. Spiritually and Physically. Dead. Tired. I feel like there is just NOTHING left to pour out. Feeling as though the currents are far too strong to swim against as they rock me back and forth with no chance of catching some air; and this makes me feel like a failure.
I feel like returning to my place of safety and comfort that are not Him, to my old ways. It is kind of the “Peter Season” as I like to call it. So this is what I am learning…
Peter had fallen so hard. He had just denied Jesus and what did he do? He fled. And he fled FAST! After a season of serving alongside Jesus with all he had, Peter deserted Him and his guilt and failure led him to one thing: an old comfort: Fishing.
He checked out. Mentally and physically.
“Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing…” (John 21:3)
So they fished all night and caught nothing. Yet, the next morning Jesus met them where they (Peter) were. He met them in their confusion, in their failures He met them there. He met them where they were empty handed with no fish—and friends he is looking to meet us where we are. No matter how messed up, tired or hurt we are. He wants to breathe life into our situation He wants to transform our bareness into fullness… our empty nets into full nets. He’ll meets us and speaks to us tenderly. He will give us wisdom, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side and you’ll get some!” (John 21:6)—“So they did, and couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it.”
He knows best. In this dry barren, hurtful Peter season of my life; He is meeting me where I am. When I do not feel like immersing myself in the Word He meets me there at the bench in the forgotten park, He meets me at the beach walking along the shore because I need to escape it all, he meets me at the grocery store in the aisles as tears pour down my face, he meets me in the words of Van Gogh, he meets me in the embrace of a friend when I run away… He meets me in all these places; and not once does He rebuke or yell at me. He knows how to deal with me in ways I understand. He knows I need time to digest and clear my head, and He gives me the space I need yet He is ever so present as to whisper tender I love you’s.
He cares where you are friend, and He will meet you there and better yet He will have breakfast waiting for you and I, as we trod tirelessly from the chaotic motions of the sea…