Clouds have rolled in once again in this beautiful city of Sydney, and a part of me cannot believe that I will be saying good bye to this place soon. I never thought Australia would grow in me or rather I in it, kind of like a snail that grows graciously into its shell, or like a flower that grows root and flourishes in the soil. I guess I am afraid to leave. Afraid to believe that there could be more and greater things beyond this place, beyond this Atlantic ocean.
I look at photographs, and see lives transformed and changed over this time of my absence and I can’t help but wonder what part do I have in it anymore? What is there for me back “home?” Where is home? Looking back at it all it can all seem like a loss. A loss of memorable moments that I was not a part of, of conversations were I was not in, and I can’t help but think this is what it means to live. Because living means risking.
We are always growing and transforming. We are not the same person we were yesterday. We made mistakes and we learned and our cells have rejuvenated and said goodbye to old cells, and our minds have made new connections. We are not the same.
I guess that biggest thing we can teach ourselves is to be malleable. To let God have his way even when it means we are rocking in the boat and swallowing huge chunks of water. Because even through the roughest tempest we are being refined. I do not know what will happen in these six months but I know God wants to breathe across it all and close the chapter here in Australia.
And as I look at what God has done I can honestly say that it has been a perfect gift from above. This was all a gift from him to me and I can’t be more amazed at all that he was so gracious to give me. It is as though he made a giant gift box for me and said (& put), “I’ll add a little piece of the Opera House, a little bit of Aussie Tim-Tams, friendships, connections, dreams, desires, losses (blessings in disguise), surprise trips, and setbacks..” and wrapped it all up and said, “it is good.” Custom designed just for me.
And although I may not understand the coming of the next season I must remind myself: “Stay malleable, keep learning, keep changing like the seasons and let God continue to be your transformation.”
Seasons come and go and its never easy to let things change. But God is constant and if his mercy and goodness me have followed me this far and sustained me all I can do is believe in His essence and know that every place is a perfect gift to me.