Swallowing Grace

Sunsets & Weddings dusk 071

Someone once told me that grace is a lot like an awkward hug. It comes at you and catches you off guard, and once it embraces you, you don’t know quite how to respond… do you high five it? stand there awkwardly? Or swallow it down cordially?

I often times think grace is kind of like a good song, or an unsuspecting moment. Moments that seem to cause a lump to form in our throats and manifests tears from a reservoir within ourselves that says, “Why me? I certainly do not deserve it.”

Grace has given me an awkward hug lately, and I have just stood there motionless with a lump in my throat and tears pouring down my cheeks. My lovely parents recently decided to buy me tickets to go to New Zealand before my return to the U.S. and you see I thought it wouldn’t be possible, and to put it bluntly I felt that it was truly unearned, unmerited. This hasn’t been the easiest season for me and I have been waging my shortcomings like a greedy accountant.

New Zealand

And it is as though God himself is using New Zealand as to say, I am not interested in works I am interested in the state of your heart. I know in my mind and from what I’ve read that “works” are an outwork of our obedience and love for God, but once I start attending church and doing “things” in a “have to” mindset I have lost my heart and love for God.

I know that deep down the fire is still there and it needs to be rekindled, but it is incredible to see God’s charater remain as it always has even when I have lost my heart beat.

New Zealand now stands as a reminder of God’s love towards me. Not based on what I do or don’t do, but based simply as his unfailing love.

I hope I dwell in the grace caught in throat moments… in moments that hit me with so much of God’s goodness that I can’t help but let the tears fall and fists raised high in victory!

I hope to God that grace catches is us off guard more often, with the weight of its freedom, restoration and abundant joy.

**Only a couple more hours until I awaken in the land of Lord of the Rings… Bilbo… I understand your journey now.

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