I looked through my windshield at the tiny plane above soaring in a blue sea of sky leaving pink streaks in its wake against the setting sun, tears streaming down my face wishing I could be on that plane going somewhere and no where.
The resistance of life happens to all of us. Moments of feeling like you are trying to push through a strong wind only to continue backwards instead of forwards. I feel like there’s been quite a lot of wind and no progression in this season. When all my hopes and dreams feel just like that dreams in distant ships.
Until I saw God in the glimpse of something unexpected, “The Voice.” Yeah, you know that show? There was a moment when there was this nineteen year old girl telling her story. Her story of feeling like in outsider and keeping to herself. It wasn’t even her idea of going on the Voice but her parents and brother believed so fervently in her potential and talent that they insisted she audition to boost her confidence and believe in herself… and boy did she audition check it out…
If your not tearing up you are definitely stronger than I. She didn’t even think that someone would turn around. And she was right not ONE turned but all FOUR. But what really, truly got to me (although I do resonate with her struggle as an outcast) but it was her little brother. The tears just pouring down his face as he saw his sister singing and witnessing all four judges turning their chairs. He believed in her and he was soaring as he saw her dreams begin to flourish beneath the stage lights.
And it hit me. God believes in me.
In this moment being back at university it truly feels like a mental hunger games. I look around at times and see giants of brilliance, innovation and persistence, and I can’t help but feel so tiny and insignificant just a number in a giant metropolis looking for the absolute best the shinning stars. Its taxing and although it can fuel you it can destroy you…. and leaves me to wonder will I even make it? Where one bad test core feels like the end and so much weighing at the finish.
I dream of writing articles alongside the greats like Jon Krakauer, Peter Stark, Bob Shacochis or taking pictures that serve as a lens to the world like Steve McCurry… but I know deep down that everything takes dedication, and dreams are forged and built not merely given. I’ve seen an incredible facet of God and his belief in our dreams as he took two of my greatest mentors and believed and breathed into their lives even when they gave up and decided that maybe they couldn’t fulfill their dreams. He lifted them with grace and as they got back up they reached the finish.
I guess what I am learning is that Gods got me. Its painful right now and I still worry and I still try to give everything that I’ve got, but I know that I can breathe once in a while and know that God is watching out for me and he’s my greatest cheerleader.
I know he sees my dreams of travel and reporting and photographing vast terrain… and he even sees what I don’t see.
So to God I look even when I feel stuck in disillusioned even when I feel like everything is caving he still has a plan and a purpose. And this rough path will one day be paved by both my sacrifice and his grace.
Have a great week friends, and please, please don’t give up on your dreams. They are to wonderful and too crucial to us and every human being if they go unplanted.