Its strange when you find yourself in the middle of a heartache. A fresh wound that hurts too much-harrowing and gnawing you from the inside. It is hard to imagine who you were prior to this zombie you have become. Is it possible that you were a smiling happy person?
Where have you gone dear soul, where?
Today I find myself grateful for sunlight, and for a friend who has seen every tear and heard the recurring story, not once seeing me in judgment but seeing the real me-the one I have forgotten- and speaking life into what feels like an empty grave.
Today I am grateful for the horse I got a chance to stroke. A horse whose eyes connected with mine, and reminded me of a God whom may not be physically present yet finds such tangible, beautiful and mysterious ways of showing me his relentless pursuit of my heart.
Today I am grateful for tears, for they are able to say more than I could with words.
Today I am grateful for a Gospel that has come for such people like me.
Today I am grateful for my pain, because although right now it may be too painful to understand, someday down the line someone will resonate with this circumstance and feel like there is hope even in ruins.
Today I am grateful for love, and although I was shattered in the pursuit of it, I am grateful that I still believe in its possibility.
Right now although I feel like everything has fallen apart, and I find myself in a rinse cycle of heartache and life I know someday his warmth will cover my wound and heal it in his entirety.
Right now however, I’ll take it one day at a time… and let his unmerited grace swallow me whole, and carry me through.
I ask friends, from one screen to another, from one corner of the world to another to please whisper a prayer of strength in my behalf. And if you find yourself in a similar boat, am deeply, deeply sorry- but please dear soul do not give up on love…